My Three Month Hiatus

It’s good to be writing again! I can’t even think of the last time my personal life made it hard for me to write. I’ve been blogging since I left AOL all those years ago. That’s a long time!

My website “Bekkie In Wonderland” actually started on Windows Live Spaces around 1990 something. I can’t think of the specific year now. It was a very rough looking site compared to what I have now at Blogger and when I remember those old posts I want to blanch with embarrassment over my writing skills. We all have to start somewhere though.

Windows Live was a good place to meet people and I met many of my online friends there. Friends I still have to this day (along with all my newer friends here at Blogger.) That was Windows Lives' heyday before they started dropping all kinds of services until they were down to Messenger, profiles and Spaces.

Then Windows Live informed us that they were dropping Spaces in 2009. They offered to transfer our sites over to Word Press and I agreed. I started a Word Press account and waited for my site (and work) to show up. It never did.

I licked my wounds and started blogging on Word Press. Hated it! I like to have my animated gifs and Word Press wasn’t having it. Also, I was using Windows Live Writer (I’m using it now) and although it worked with Word Press too, I just didn’t like the fit. (I've since given it up, MSN dropped Windows Live Writer in 2011 or so.)

It was the best thing that ever happened to me in my blogging career because in 2009 I wrote my first and last blog of the year on Blogger. My writing and my website have improved greatly since those fumbling early days and I have a website that I’m actually proud of now on Word Press. So where have I been lately?

In January of, 2012 I had a change of eyesight and found out I had developed an ocular hole in my right eye. Everything turned out fine but it was hard work and a frightening experience. I worked very hard to get that hole closed after surgery.

The end of November I noticed another change of eyesight. It was disheartening to say the least. I got pretty depressed and quit writing. I knew the hole had opened again and I’d have to go through it all again. No surgery is a piece of cake.

When I went to see Dr. Lam she told me that it had indeed opened and that I was one of 6% that had it happen again. She was surprised it had happened so fast. I had surgery again before Christmas.

I was so worried about my eyesight. I don’t need to really say it but eyesight is so precious. Losing it even in one eye is not an option I wanted to explore anytime soon.

After the gas bubble got smaller I began to be able to peek over it. I saw black and white spots all over the place. Even though it was one eye I could see them with both eyes. I decided it was better than being blind, and thought they must be permanent.

Last Monday I went to Union City to see Dr. Lam with a heavy heart. My eyesight seamed worse and the spots were everywhere I looked. I sat in silence during the ride soaked in my sullen thoughts.

Not only was the hole gone, but during surgery my doctor removed the tissue that was pulling and causing the hole to return. She also told me that the spots were only temporary caused by the gas bubble rubbing against the iris. (I didn’t have spots at all after the first surgery.) The nurse had tested my eyesight early in the visit and I was told my eyesight had actually improved.

I was dumbfounded. Then I experienced extreme happiness for the first time in what seemed like forever! I even let out a whoop while still at Kaiser. I’m keeping all my digits crossed that the hole doesn’t come back again. Did I tell you my eyesight is better? What an emotional merry go round I’ve been on in the last year.

The sight in my right eye isn’t perfect but I can see. If I’m looking at a line with that eye it will have a kink in it and words can swim around but if I’m patient I can read it. Also if a person is far away or the light is dim, one side of their face looks like a monster. (Yeah it’s hard to explain.) Actually my brain lets me see fine with both eyes. I feel like I won the eyesight lottery!

I will be posting regularly now and things are getting back to normal again. I really enjoy working on this website and I’m happy to be back. Thanks for all your support through this and I hope you will come and visit me soon.

Back, to Wonderland!

Keep On Bloggin’!

Eye Will Be Offline Having Surgery

I like to try to blog once a week or more but recently I haven’t been blogging at all. This is because I found out more about my serious eye problem and need an operation right away due to Macular Degeneration.

There are two kinds of Macular Degeneration, wet and dry. The dry form is by far the most common type and doesn’t require surgery. The wet form is much less common, but it comes on more quickly and can become severe. Lucky me because I have the wet form and I am not a brave person.

The dry form accounts for 9 out of 10 causes of Macular Degeneration. It develops slowly and causes central vision to become dimmer or more blurry over time. It usually doesn’t cause severe vision loss unless it turns into the wet form.

The wet form accounts for only about 1 out of 10 cases of Macular Degeneration. It can cause serious vision loss within months or even weeks. People who have the wet form have the dry form first.

In either the wet or dry forms of the disease, one eye may seem to be affected while the other remains unaffected for a period of time. During that time, the healthier eye may compensate for the affected eye. However, in most cases, if one eye is affected the other eye will develop Macular Degeneration in time, too.

My eyesight has been pretty good for this aging Hoosier. Anything up close is blurry without drug store glasses but I still have good vision when looking far away. I had no vision problems that I had to worry about and sometimes still could see close up on a “good day.”

About a month ago I noticed an eyesight change. My eyes seemed to be growing more tired while watching TV, reading, blogging, etc. I could still see just fine but questioned my vision change. Since it wasn’t something I could put my finger on, I chalked it up to my eyes getting worse with old age. Vision changes can hide a serious problem so I decided if it got worse I’d go to the doctor.

One night when my eyes were really bothering me I put my hand over my right eye; no problem my sight was fine. Then I tried the left eye….OMG! I could see with it but I noticed right in the middle of my sight I could see a problem. Especially when looking at a straight line, I saw a kink in it. Also when looking at a person’s face the left side of their face looked distorted. I had no black spots in my vision and I could still see fine at night but obviously, there was something seriously wrong.

After going to my doctor he referred me to an Optometrist who told me that some of the vitreous gel in the back of my eye turned to fluid and that was why my vision had changed. He said it was due to old age, told me not to worry about it and referred me to a Retina Specialist Dr. Lam. This is when things got serious; I got my diagnosis and she said I had to have surgery as soon as possible.

This last Monday I had 3 appointments to get set up for my surgery which will be January 19th and I just got a call from Kaiser today ( telling me it will be at 1PM.) 

I wish they would put me to sleep for the operation but I have to be awake and this will be the first surgery I ever had like this. I am petrified at the thought of being awake during the surgery and just hope they have some strong-ass medications so I’m not at all aware of what’s going on!

I don’t know how my sight will be when this is all said and done but sight is one of the most important senses we have. I would rather lose a lot of other functions than my sight. Even one eye would be acceptable to me. My grandmother (bless her lovely soul) lost an eye to cancer and took it like the trooper that she was. She was no young lady either; in her 70’s when it happened. She was awesome!

Some Facts About The Eye

♦ The retina is a thin lining of nerve tissue on the inside back wall of the eye. The macula is the center of the retina. It is the part of our vision process that makes possible recognizing faces, reading, and driving a car.

♦ Symptoms of wet macular degeneration may include loss of central vision and visual distortion. For instance, a straight line may appear wavy or a small object may seem to be farther away than it really is.

♦ Macular degeneration doesn't cause total blindness. Peripheral vision may not be affected, but central vision, which is used for activities such as reading, watching television, and doing close work, is.

Then there’s the after eye surgery torture! OMG! I have to use this therapy device that keeps my head pointing down for 10 days OR MORE. That’s 24/7 folks; eating, watching TV, going to the bathroom, riding in a car, or anything that keeps my head in this face-brace control in a face-down position. This is to keep the gas bubble on the healing surface of the retina.

Bedtime will be fun! I need sleep so I have to sleep (if I ever sleep again) on my stomach with a board-thing stuck between the mattresses holding the face-brace contraption on it so I can keep my head in it. I can only sleep cross-wise on the bed or at an angle. So comfortable.

They think they have a plan so you don’t go completely insane. The face-brace contraption comes on this folding chair (like a desk in grade school) that has a built-in table and a two-way mirror. They expect me to spend most of my time in it so I can watch TV, read, (oh my aching back) and try to eat with my face down like that. I’m sure straws will be in order.

24/7 For At Least 10 Days! 

If I don’t use this stuff and keep my head just like they tell me then the gas bubble they inject into my eye will not float to where it belongs and fix my eye. If I screw it up, I get surgery again, mess up my sight more plus all the costs that aren’t covered by insurance.

Oh, did I mention that my face-brace contraption (and comfort items) costs $20/day (at least) and my insurance (Kaiser) doesn’t pay for it? Wave bye-bye to aftercare.

Freaking Out Now

I have always been an artist and my love of beauty, hell my love of life has everything to do with what I see! Then there’s “Blu” my beloved sports car that I adore driving! I almost lost my license in 2010 due to a medical problem....

How am I going to blog and be online? Not easily even with a two-way mirror, I’d say. As you can tell it’s going to be hard to use my computer AT ALL. Bummer! My computer is not a laptop. Big sigh! Being busy getting ready for this has put me behind in my writing. Something I miss when I can’t do it.

I really shouldn’t be whining; I mean it’s not cancer or other painful, horrible and fatal diseases people get every blink of an eye. It’s just another crisis in the life of Rebecca Del Sanchez and she’s had so many recently. I don’t use my blogs to complain but it’s time for me to have a good year. I just want to enjoy my life as much as I can. 

It feels like a huge boulder is on my chest and if that bolder was just a bit smaller, well then managing it would be a little easier and I could catch my breath for once.

Dr. Lam assures me that she’s done this surgery many times before and as a team, we can do this. I just worry if it’s so important to keep my head like that (and the gas bubble stable) that I should be in the hospital a few days afterward. You know how it is these days everything is outpatient! Organ transplant? No problem, have you in and out in a day! Yes, you can wear your 5-inch heels when you go home. Tee hee!

Today I’m just trying to chill out and prepare for Thursday. I am taking a break from being online until my procedure is done and heals. I pray my sight is at least this good when I am finished so I can come back and do all of the many things I enjoy doing and get my head out of that torture device.

Pray for me if you will and I’ll be back ASAP!

Update: The first surgery failed! I had to have it done again right away. Positioning, gas bubble, everything. Finally, it worked.

Keep On Bloggin’!

Some Helpful Tips For Blogging Success

I have been blogging for over 10 years, my first website Bekkie In Wonderland (this very website), was started at Windows Live Spaces and later moved to Blogger after Live Spaces ended. My biggest problem was writing posts that engaged my readers' encouraging comments and discussion.

Doing research on popular blogs I came to the conclusion that if I wanted to be successful at blogging I needed to do more than just talk about myself and my day. It takes hard work, clever planning, a sense of humor, brilliant writing, and the right moves to become a successful blogger. We can always improve, can’t we?

Remember it's not just what you write either. Do the extra work and make your site something to look at. Make it entertaining and fun. Do some research on using color and movement to engage your readers. Watch what fonts you use for your site what looks good to you might be hard for others to read which would ruin the whole idea of having people read what you have to say.

Most of all, you should have fun with it and look forward to it. If you aren’t enjoying yourself maybe blogging isn’t for you.

Tips For Blogging Success

• Publish Consistently

Daily posts are important! Content should be consistently posted because readers like predictability and will look forward to new posts from you on a daily basis. Figure out a publishing schedule you can live with and stick to it. Once a week or twice a month, whatever your blogging time permits stick to it. You are only as good as your last post.

• Co-Blog with A Partner

Regular posts for blogs can be a hassle for some bloggers to manage solo. If you know you will not have the time to blog yourself, invite a co-worker or a friend who shares the same passion and dedication as you and ask them to co-blog. It keeps your regulars on your website instead of looking elsewhere and a different perspective never hurts.

• Get Your Site On The Search Engines

When you start a blog fifty is a magic number in blogging terms. I don’t know why the number 50 was picked but after 50 posts your website will start to be picked up by the search engines and the page views will begin to increase. The page views will grow exponentially with the increase in search engine queries. The more searches your site shows up in the better. 

• Use Original Photos Or Images

It has been reported that blogs with original photos earned twice the number of page views than those articles with license-free images. Take the time to pick the right images to complement your blog content and your blog will bring even more page views. I find that using animated GIF files grab people's attention immediately.

• Use Keywords In Your Titles And Captions On Photos

Keywords (or labels) help people find your posts through your photos and captions give an extra anchor for readers because humans are naturally visual animals. It’s a little extra work but before you upload a photo for your blog, title each image with a keyword or label. It ensures that the search engines optimize these keywords so your website can be found by either the photos or posts on your blog. Do a search on yourself to see how you’re doing.

• Comment On All Comments

Be social and grateful to your readers that leave comments. Most readers will not respond to blogs, even if they like them. I receive a lot more page views than comments because readers take the information and move on. So when you get a comment respond promptly. Address them by name, add to the discussion and invite them back. Thank them for their time and readership.

• Read And Comment On Other People’s Blogs

Following someone’s blogs isn’t enough. You expect your Followers to read and comment on your blogs so it’s only fair play to visit, read, and comment on your Followers blogs. Do this on a daily basis and they will return the favor.

• Publish An Honest, Complete Profile

When you like a website the first thing you wonder about is who's writing this stuff? Websites introducing some facts about the author's work or life you're Following seem more legit than those with a frivolous profile page. People like to know things like where you’re from, your interests, around what age you are, where you live, etc. Don’t be shy, I can tell you from experience that an honest profile with a real picture of yourself goes a long way.

• Guest Bloggers

Find a blogger that you think is brilliant? You can learn from them by asking them to guest blog on your site. Ask them to write about a certain subject or leave it up to them. Thank them for participating, give them credit and a link back to their website. Guest bloggers can help you with exposure. When you link to that blog, many of their Followers will come to check out your site. Depending on the number of readers they have it’s a great way to boost your page views or find new Followers yourself.

• Be Interesting

Readers want to find fresh, valuable, entertaining and remarkable information. Make an effort to deliver more than just the facts. Make it about your subject matter, not you. It doesn’t hurt to be personal but avid blog readers won’t find blogs that talk about the weather everyday sound that interesting. Just like you, they want some meat on those bones.

• Get Your Point Across

Style, grammar, spelling, layout, all count for nothing if your audience doesn’t get your meaning. Make yourself clear and understood. Watch your spelling and use a friendly font on your posts that's easy to read.

• Hold On To Passion

Keep the fires burning, don’t let your blog subject turn into a chore. It’s important to recognize when you need to scrap a blog too, sometimes they just aren’t good enough to post. Learn the difference.

• Make A Good First Impression

Do new visitors know what your blog is about in under 10 seconds? Can they navigate your website easily? Make sure your blog is set up professionally so that your readers can clearly understand your subject matter and find what they are looking for.

• Build Momentum And Optimize Your Posts

Keep posting daily and take advantage of popular subjects that your readers like. It's not easy to do but pick a writing schedule you can deal with and keep it up. If you tell your readers to expect daily posts about a certain subject in the future and they don't show up that's a bad thing. It takes less effort to keep going than to stop and start again. Your readers are what makes your website popular so do what you can to keep them coming.

• Look Good And Be Unique

Appearances count, in terms of your blog design and your posts. Make your content stand out by using the template designer in the advanced mode and make it your own. Make your color and font choices easy to see and read. Pick great images or better yet supply your own artwork.

• Using Blogs Of Note For Ideas

Look at your Blogger Dashboard for “Blogs Of Note” and check out the blogs there. These blogs are the crème of the crop and have loads of Followers on them. Find the ones that interest you or are similar to your blog and learn from them.

• Monitor Your Stats

Stats tell you the health of your blog and where the traffic is coming from. Keep an eye on your statistics to make sure you are writing content that brings new readers in while keeping your old ones. Your stats will also tell you if your blog strategy is solid or if you need to make some changes.

• Communication Fascination

If you love your subject matter then let your readers know it. If you share your enthusiasm it becomes contagious and makes your readers excited about it too. Give them a reason to want to leave a comment.

• Explore And Experiment

Blogs that make an effort to stretch, to break the mold or provide something unique are the blogs people flock to, chat about, and return to. Be inspired to have your blog under “Blogs Of Note.”

• Poll Your Readers

Run different polls, the results are newsworthy and fun. Have a fixed date for the poll to be finished and blog on the results. Find out what your readers think about the subject you pick. Make your poll fun and interesting so your readers take part in it and want to know the outcome.

• Join Forums

Break out of your blogging bubble. Network by meeting potential readers online, discuss cool subjects and make new friends. You can learn a lot depending on the forum you are taking part in and you may find something awesome to blog about at the same time.

• Get More Experience And Develop Expertise

Do new things, broaden your horizons, practice your writing and stretch your limits. Practice makes perfect. In no time you will learn what works for you and what doesn’t. You will develop a good idea as to what to write about to bring the readers to your website (blog).

• Toot Your Own Horn

You worked hard for it, your blogging success will grow as you do and you’ll have more Followers then you ever imagined. Good for you!

As I've said for years. Keep On Bloggin’!

To Code Or Not To Code

I coded this.

What if you could design and publish HTML websites without writing code or using templates to do so? A website where you can focus on creativity alone to put exactly what you want on your website. Adobe has made this possible with (codename) Muse.

Muse, now in public beta, is for graphic designers that want to design and publish unique, professional HTML websites without worrying how to write code. So far 300,000+ designers have already downloaded Muse and have been very pleased with the results.

Check it out for yourself at the Muse website. First, watch the video called Meet Muse for an introduction to Adobe’s brainchild. On their site, you can also Get Muse to try out and they have video tutorials to watch if you need any help learning how to use it.

To see what can be done without code take a peek at the Muse Site Showcase to see how others are using this program to make fantastic one of a kind websites for themselves.

Right now to design your own website you have to know one of the many programs (besides HTML) to do so. As well as Blogger works when you design your site you still have to work with a choice of already designed templates that they offer and follow Google’s policies.

There have been plenty of times I tried to embed content or applications on my websites and had problems. Wouldn’t it be great to forgo this and put what I want to on my website with nobodies policy but my own? If you have a website or are thinking of starting one then I’m sure you agree.

Keep On Bloggin’!

Twenty Brilliant Quotes

I love good quotes! I have an application on my Android phone called “Brilliant Quotes” and it’s free so if you have an Android you may want to check it out.

Get inspired!

1. “Advertising is legalized lying.” H.G. Wells

2. “Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” Helen Keller

3. “Be sure to put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.” Abraham Lincoln

4. “Ideas come from everything.” Alfred Hitchcock

5. “Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.” Bill Gates

6. “I accept chaos, I’m not sure whether it accepts me.” Bob Dylan

7. “Moral indignation-jealousy with a halo.” H.G. Wells

8. “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Buddha

9. “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” Charles Darwin

10. “To be honest, one must be inconsistent.” H.G. Wells

11. “You’ll never find a rainbow if you’re looking down.” Charlie Chaplin

12. “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” Woody Allen

13. “A truth that’s told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.” William Blake

14. “The schools ain’t what they used to be and never was.” Will Rogers

15. “Cynicism is humor in ill health.” H.G. Wells

16. “When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable.” Walt Disney

17. “It is good to love many things, for therein lies strength, and whatsoever loves much can accomplish much, and what is done with love is well done.” Vincent Van Gogh

18. “Hell, there are no rules here-we’re trying to accomplish something.” Thomas A. Edison

19. “Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.” Douglas Adams

20. “Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.” Plato

Do you know a good quote? Share it with us in comments so we can read it.

Keep On Bloggin’!

Illusion Carpet in The Game Store

This optical illusion carpet spotted in a Paris video game store provides an illusion of a vortex floor. The effect is achieved by printing bent lines in a chaotic manner just like what we have already seen in Apple’s executive garden. Not only does this carpet mess with your mind, but it might also make you trip while trying to walk across it!

If you see the woman spinning to the right you are using the right side of your brain. If she spins to the left you are using the left side of your brain. Practice seeing if you can use both sides of your brain to make her spin both directions.

With Monday being a holiday this week is going even faster! Soon the weekend will be upon us again, it’s already Thursday! Hope your week has been great!

It really works, try it!

It's a trick. The dots at the edges of the GIF are already moving faster than the center. If you block the center with your fist, all you see are the outer dots which are already moving faster making fooling your eyes.

Pretty cool huh?

Keep On Bloggin’!

Woke Up With An Old Love On My Mind

I woke up this morning without remembering any dreams but I did have something on my mind that I hadn’t thought of in a long time. The love of my life.

In 1997 I thought I was happily married. We were living in beautiful Foster City in a large 2 bedroom apt. right on the slue. I had already bought the car of my dreams and with no kids I had what most people might consider a “dream life”.

Amongst the regular household chores I had the best patio garden in our complex. I had an art table where I worked on whatever I wished, I could do anything I was interested in and just like I am today that was quite a lot! So why did I feel there was something missing?

My now X and I moved in together in 1977 and got married in 1982. By the time 1997 came around I found to my dismay that I was living with a drunk and worse. Not the lose your job, bail out of jail, violent type drunk oh no! I may have realized it sooner. But he was a sneaky quiet drunk who after much alcohol became like a living statue that would not speak or move. Not much fun.

He was a hard worker that never took vacations much once we were married. Our sex life that used to be rich and rewarding was totally lack-luster. We didn’t do much together anymore and he was fast becoming a fat snoring slob to me in bed or out!

I was only in my early 40’s and I was so lonely. I decided to have an affair to infuse my life with some much needed attention from a man. I met a few men here and there but nobody stood out. I was just looking for an affair. Then, a friend from the city called me.

My friend had heard about a huge club in San Francisco where you could hang out all day, they had free bands, food and everything. It was actually a medical marijuana club and I already had a card. She said it was three stories of party time with plenty of bodies. I went the next day.

When I walked in what a sight this place was and full of people like she said! All kinds of amazing people! Two floors had couches and chairs all over and I used to sit up there and listen to the bands that played there in the evenings. This place was not for pot only so no alcohol was allowed and that was fine with me. I was pulling away from my interests at home and was spending more time in the city. I would go home at night.

I started meeting people at this club. We had a cozy little group of us that would meet there at a certain time or we’d just run into each other there. One of my friends Doc, told me about a friend of his who was going to play there so I decided to check it out. I was terribly excited and got there early.

It seemed liked forever but it was time for the bands. A man walked out on stage with his guitar under the spot light. I could tell he had some American Indian in him. He looked to be about my age with dark brown eyes and longish brown hair that fell over his forehead. Kind of like a Beatles hair cut but he pulled it off. He was muscular in his jeans and T shirt. He looked good enough to eat.

He finished a short set, packed up his guitar and came over to our table hailing Doc. As he sat down Doc did the introductions. Our eyes met and I KNEW I was in lust. His name was Chris and like a high school girl I was smitten! We all talked until closing parting ways. As I drove home I knew I had to have him.

The next day I waited but no Doc and no Chris. I visited with some other acquaintances but my heart was not in it. This continued for a week and I figured he had a girl friend. Still, I could not get him out of my head!

The next week I was sitting by myself and it was early. I picked a table this time and as I sat down I saw him. He smiled and rushed over to sit down with me. I was hoping I could remember the English language as I said hello. He was wonderful to look at and I really got lost in his eyes, his mouth, and his smile. I could tell he was very interested in me.

It got louder as the day went on and we had our heads together talking. His hair brushed my face once and it was so soft. I didn't dare touch it. He asked me if I wanted to go down to Ocean Beach to watch the sunset. I told him I had my car and top down we sped to the beach. I had a blanket in my trunk and we had sex for the first time on the beach. Did I say sex? More like nirvana!

I was so fulfilled and happy that I didn’t question anything after that. As long as we were together was ALL that counted. The next night I stayed in the city with Chris crashing on a futon at his friend’s house (who I never saw) while we had the best sex I ever had on this earth.

This guy owned me and maybe that was part of it. We would stay at hotels or on the futon on Bush Street. In the morning we would have more sex, take a shower together have breakfast and he showed me San Francisco his way. It was over the top romantic and I never went home again.

At the time I was so happy I still wasn’t questioning anything nor was I thinking of the future. I was sure a love like ours was so awesome that the world would have to be kind to us and that the future would work out all on it’s own.

Our love making was full of passion with Chris showing me positions he said that American Indians used during sex. He liked his sex the way I did, hot and lots of it. Wild, earth shaking organisms were had by both of us and we became inseparable. It was like a dream I had never had.

While we were together he was playing in two bands with friends. He played bass and sang backup in one band and in his own band played lead and sang. We would come down to Foster City for two practises a week and spend the night at a hotel then head back to SF for the other 5 days.

By now I had left my husband, my two cats and everything I ever knew or owned behind. I did make a few trips to pick things up but I left most of it. My best friend at the time told me I was making a big mistake. I told her to mind her own business and that was the end of that friendship. I just didn’t care.

In 1998 Chris and I moved in together on Leavenworth Street in San Francisco. We were both in our 40’s and he was one year older than me. I was floating on air.

Then I missed a period. I had never been pregnant but I knew that I was. I went and got a test and OMG, I was two weeks with child. For an instant I thought about how beautiful our child would be and that I was in my 40’s. It was the last time I would ever have this chance to have a child. Chris was my baby’s father how great is that?

Then reality set in. I had never wanted kids before and I didn't now. He already had a girl he never saw. I told him I was getting an abortion. Of course he didn’t argue a good thing. He already had one child in Oklahoma to pay child support on.

He was very supportive about the abortion. We resumed our sex life and were closer than ever when one day he started talking about family in Oklahoma. He was telling me he wanted us to move there. He went out there alone for a week first. He called every day until he came home and I was so happy to see his smiling face at the airport.

Life as we know it can be so cruel. It was now December of 1998. One day a woman called from Oklahoma and asked for Chris. I should of paid more attention but I was love-struck. That, and I didn't want to move to Oklahoma but I was getting worried. The woman didn't seem like anyone to him just an old friend, but what if?

I had a right to be worried. Chris told me right before Christmas that he was leaving me and going back. I think I was finally waking up from my dream as he didn’t ask me to come along. I was relieved about that but I wanted him so bad!

He quickly moved out stealing a lot of my things. Why wasn't I shocked? (It was some Tshirts and a guitar.) When he got back to Oklahoma he was calling me every week still telling me how much he missed me. Finally in 1999 I got no more calls. I still missed him and he told me he was coming back until the calls stopped.

After that I got my divorce in 2000. I didn't want to go back to my X but I had totally screwed up my whole life for 2 years of nirvana. My girlfriend had been right after all.

I agree that I should of known better. I really shouldn’t have messed my life up at that age for any one man. My marriage would have been over with anyway but I wouldn't have lost everything.

If was to see him today I’d be happy to. He was handsome with a nice laugh. He gave me the best loving I ever had, got me pregnant for the first time and if I ever found this kind of relationship with a man again I would chain that man to my bed and swallow the key! Tee hee!

I don’t know why I felt compelled to blog about Chris today except that I still think of him often as he will always be unforgettable but sort of regrettable, to me.

Keep On Bloggin’!

The Witness Stand

Taking the witness stand (although I had nothing to be afraid of,) felt worse than having butterflies. I had a belly full of fish and they never stopped swimming the entire time! (My animation.)

I knew my turn had to come to be on the stand and come it did. I walked up with shaky legs (not due to my bad knees this time) and took my oath. 

As I sat down I thoughtI’ve gone over this stuff a million times, I feel confident and will do just fine! Sure Bekkie....

The Petitioner's lawyer came over and asked the first question. I was well practiced and at the ready! As I opened my mouth I noticed the people looking at me...they started to swim around just like my belly was feeling.

OMG! I looked back at the lawyer. Her lips were moving but nothing but gibberish was coming out! I was freaking out but I was aware that something was coming out of my mouth. Could it be I give a good answer? I looked at the people looking at me. At least no one was laughing or pointing fingers…I did my best and plowed on.

Ignore the floating people, don’t look them in the eyes and answer the question. I know this stuff! (I thought to myself.)

I was on the stand for about 2 1/2 hours. and it was finally over. The longest 2 1/2 hours I ever spent and I swear I was on acid….until I got off of the stand.

Then it was over and the sky opened up, the sun came out and the angels sang! Yet, I was left with a full load of adrenaline. Then it hit me, it’s not over yet and I may lose everything.

I stand to lose every cent I am living off of from getting alimony. I wasn't even getting the whole amount I cut my X some slack and now he was trying to cut me off completely.

So yes, my first day in court is over and I survived! The case isn’t over yet and I’ll have to go back for a 1/2 day July 5th and a 1/2 day July 8th. Can you believe they are making us come back twice for what we could get done in one day? Ridiculous.

At least it will finally be done soon as I’ve waited for over a year from the first court date. I am looking forward to starting the first day of my new life whatever comes.

Today is Tuesday and as the weekend approaches we have another holiday coming up, the 4th of July to celebrate. I want to see some awesome fireworks. Who’s with me? I hope you have a lovely week my friends as I retire for a well deserved restful evening.

Keep On Bloggin’!