Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Thursday, May 17

Happiness


Happiness

Happiness is emotional
simple in its beginnings
endorphins fill my brain
muscles relax
others tense
pulling at the corners of my mouth
sounds escape my lips
as childish giggles.

Happiness is addictive
good times amplified
one beaming smile
spreading across many faces
we feel giddy
makes us fall in love
it makes the world go round
it’s better when shared.

Happiness is temporary
we’d like it to last forever
still, it leaves us
without warning
but when we least expect it
someone smiles
and it reminds us
that it’s just around the corner.

© Rebecca Sanchez 2018

Happiness never lasts but that doesn’t mean we’ll never be happy again. We never know what will make us smile. Open up and be receptive to happiness in any form. How are you doing? Have a great day!

Want to read more of my poetry? Capricious Poet.

Monday, February 11

Will You Be Mine?


Some history first.

February 14 is Valentine's Day. Although it is celebrated as a lovers' holiday today, with the giving of candy, cards, diamonds, (hint, hint) flowers, or other gifts between couples in love, it originated in 5th Century Rome as a tribute to St. Valentine, a Catholic bishop.

Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages, though written Valentine's didn't begin to appear until after 1400. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. (The greeting is now part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England.) Several years later, it is believed that King Henry V hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a valentine note to Catherine of Valois.

Cupid, another symbol of the holiday, became associated with it because he was the Roman god of passion and erotic love. He also was associated with desire. Cupid was the son of Venus, the Roman god of love and beauty. Cupid played a role in several mythical adventures. In Vergil's Aeneid, Cupid prompts Dido to fall in love with Aeneas, with tragic results. Cupid is a central character in the traditional tale of Cupid and Psyche, as told by Apuleius. In modern times, cupid is often depicted as a chubby cherub-like creature with wings, shooting his arrows to inflict desire on his unsuspecting victims. Cupid often appears on Valentine cards or is imprinted on heart-shaped candies.

In addition to the United States, Valentine's Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France and Australia. In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the 17th century. By the middle of the 18th, it was common for friends and lovers of all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes, and by 1900 printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings.

Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began selling the first mass-produced valentines in America. Howland, known as the “Mother of the Valentine,” made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as "scrap." Today, according to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated 1 billion Valentine’s Day cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. (An estimated 2.6 billion cards are sent for Christmas.) Women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines.

Will You Be Mine?

I fondly remember making hand-made Valentines in 6th grade to trade at school. Even though we had always handed out Valentines at school this time I had someone “special” to give one to. Steve Weber was his name and it was love at first sight.

At home, I got together the art supplies to make it with. Elmer's glue, scissors, scrap paper, ribbon, and lace. Getting to use my mom’s real scissors I excitedly and carefully cut out my hearts making sure they were perfect.

As I worked, I bit my tongue lightly with great concentration. I cut a big red paper heart and then a smaller pink one and so on until I was happy with the results. I worked on that Valentine for hours thinking about how much Steve would like it. Then I thought, what should I write on it?

I walked into the kitchen; “What should I write on my Valentine?” I asked my mom who was cooking supper and smoking her ever-present cigarette, 

“Are you done with the scissors yet Bekkie? I told you to return them to the sewing box when you’re done.” Not answering I silently slunk back into my bedroom. Luckily she didn’t know I liked a boy.

I was stymied, what could I write on the Valentine that would make Steve like me? Even though she was my best friend I knew Barbara Snyder liked him too; all the girls did. I knew she was probably making him a Valentine tonight too. Or worse yet maybe her mom got her store-bought cards! How could mine compete with fancy store-bought cards? I felt miserable.

I thought about asking my mom to buy store-bought cards and then quickly put that bad idea out of my head. Then the words came to me, I'd do a simple, "Will You Be Mine?" 

It wasn’t all lovey-dovey either it was simple, to the point. I ran to get the sparkles so I could finish my card. Surely he’ll like it and me.

The next day at school it was time to pass out the Valentine cards, but I had a plan. I was going to give Steve my card at recess by the big tree, not now. I felt my bravado fade when I saw Barbara Snyder passing out her store bought cards. 

I watched like a hawk while Steve looked through his cards. He didn’t react to any of them in particular. Gosh, he was cute. He turned and locked eyes with me. I turned fire engine red and turned away while I pretended to fiddle with a card that Jerry Lewis had just given me.

At recess, I raced down the hill and took my place by the big tree. I got there first, good. Steve would be playing baseball nearby. I wanted to do this before my girlfriends found me and then I saw Steve. 

He walked right up to me. “Barbara said you like me,” he said somewhat accusingly. 

I turned 50 shades of red, extended my shaky hand with the card in it and stammered, “This is for you Steve.” He took the card without reading it, hit me really hard on the arm, and ran off to play with his friends.

“He loves me!” I thought to myself triumphantly.

Keep On Bloggin’!

Thursday, August 18

Woke Up With An Old Love On My Mind


I woke up this morning without remembering any dreams but I did have something on my mind that I hadn’t thought of in a long time. The love of my life.

In 1997 I thought I was happily married. We were living in beautiful Foster City in a large 2 bedroom apt. right on the slue. I had already bought the car of my dreams and with no kids I had what most people might consider a “dream life”.

Amongst the regular household chores I had the best patio garden in our complex. I had an art table where I worked on whatever I wished, I could do anything I was interested in and just like I am today that was quite a lot! So why did I feel there was something missing?

My now X and I moved in together in 1977 and got married in 1982. By the time 1997 came around I found to my dismay that I was living with a drunk and worse. Not the lose your job, bail out of jail, violent type drunk oh no! I may have realized it sooner. But he was a sneaky quiet drunk who after much alcohol became like a living statue that would not speak or move. Not much fun.

He was a hard worker that never took vacations much once we were married. Our sex life that used to be rich and rewarding was totally lack-luster. We didn’t do much together anymore and he was fast becoming a fat snoring slob to me in bed or out!

I was only in my early 40’s and I was so lonely. I decided to have an affair to infuse my life with some much needed attention from a man. I met a few men here and there but nobody stood out. I was just looking for an affair. Then, a friend from the city called me.

My friend had heard about a huge club in San Francisco where you could hang out all day, they had free bands, food and everything. It was actually a medical marijuana club and I already had a card. She said it was three stories of party time with plenty of bodies. I went the next day.

When I walked in what a sight this place was and full of people like she said! All kinds of amazing people! Two floors had couches and chairs all over and I used to sit up there and listen to the bands that played there in the evenings. This place was not for pot only so no alcohol was allowed and that was fine with me. I was pulling away from my interests at home and was spending more time in the city. I would go home at night.

I started meeting people at this club. We had a cozy little group of us that would meet there at a certain time or we’d just run into each other there. One of my friends Doc, told me about a friend of his who was going to play there so I decided to check it out. I was terribly excited and got there early.

It seemed liked forever but it was time for the bands. A man walked out on stage with his guitar under the spot light. I could tell he had some American Indian in him. He looked to be about my age with dark brown eyes and longish brown hair that fell over his forehead. Kind of like a Beatles hair cut but he pulled it off. He was muscular in his jeans and T shirt. He looked good enough to eat.

He finished a short set, packed up his guitar and came over to our table hailing Doc. As he sat down Doc did the introductions. Our eyes met and I KNEW I was in lust. His name was Chris and like a high school girl I was smitten! We all talked until closing parting ways. As I drove home I knew I had to have him.

The next day I waited but no Doc and no Chris. I visited with some other acquaintances but my heart was not in it. This continued for a week and I figured he had a girl friend. Still, I could not get him out of my head!

The next week I was sitting by myself and it was early. I picked a table this time and as I sat down I saw him. He smiled and rushed over to sit down with me. I was hoping I could remember the English language as I said hello. He was wonderful to look at and I really got lost in his eyes, his mouth, and his smile. I could tell he was very interested in me.

It got louder as the day went on and we had our heads together talking. His hair brushed my face once and it was so soft. I didn't dare touch it. He asked me if I wanted to go down to Ocean Beach to watch the sunset. I told him I had my car and top down we sped to the beach. I had a blanket in my trunk and we had sex for the first time on the beach. Did I say sex? More like nirvana!

I was so fulfilled and happy that I didn’t question anything after that. As long as we were together was ALL that counted. The next night I stayed in the city with Chris crashing on a futon at his friend’s house (who I never saw) while we had the best sex I ever had on this earth.

This guy owned me and maybe that was part of it. We would stay at hotels or on the futon on Bush Street. In the morning we would have more sex, take a shower together have breakfast and he showed me San Francisco his way. It was over the top romantic and I never went home again.

At the time I was so happy I still wasn’t questioning anything nor was I thinking of the future. I was sure a love like ours was so awesome that the world would have to be kind to us and that the future would work out all on it’s own.

Our love making was full of passion with Chris showing me positions he said that American Indians used during sex. He liked his sex the way I did, hot and lots of it. Wild, earth shaking organisms were had by both of us and we became inseparable. It was like a dream I had never had.

While we were together he was playing in two bands with friends. He played bass and sang backup in one band and in his own band played lead and sang. We would come down to Foster City for two practises a week and spend the night at a hotel then head back to SF for the other 5 days.

By now I had left my husband, my two cats and everything I ever knew or owned behind. I did make a few trips to pick things up but I left most of it. My best friend at the time told me I was making a big mistake. I told her to mind her own business and that was the end of that friendship. I just didn’t care.

In 1998 Chris and I moved in together on Leavenworth Street in San Francisco. We were both in our 40’s and he was one year older than me. I was floating on air.

Then I missed a period. I had never been pregnant but I knew that I was. I went and got a test and OMG, I was two weeks with child. For an instant I thought about how beautiful our child would be and that I was in my 40’s. It was the last time I would ever have this chance to have a child. Chris was my baby’s father how great is that?

Then reality set in. I had never wanted kids before and I didn't now. He already had a girl he never saw. I told him I was getting an abortion. Of course he didn’t argue a good thing. He already had one child in Oklahoma to pay child support on.

He was very supportive about the abortion. We resumed our sex life and were closer than ever when one day he started talking about family in Oklahoma. He was telling me he wanted us to move there. He went out there alone for a week first. He called every day until he came home and I was so happy to see his smiling face at the airport.

Life as we know it can be so cruel. It was now December of 1998. One day a woman called from Oklahoma and asked for Chris. I should of paid more attention but I was love-struck. That, and I didn't want to move to Oklahoma but I was getting worried. The woman didn't seem like anyone to him just an old friend, but what if?

I had a right to be worried. Chris told me right before Christmas that he was leaving me and going back. I think I was finally waking up from my dream as he didn’t ask me to come along. I was relieved about that but I wanted him so bad!

He quickly moved out stealing a lot of my things. Why wasn't I shocked? (It was some Tshirts and a guitar.) When he got back to Oklahoma he was calling me every week still telling me how much he missed me. Finally in 1999 I got no more calls. I still missed him and he told me he was coming back until the calls stopped.

After that I got my divorce in 2000. I didn't want to go back to my X but I had totally screwed up my whole life for 2 years of nirvana. My girlfriend had been right after all.

I agree that I should of known better. I really shouldn’t have messed my life up at that age for any one man. My marriage would have been over with anyway but I wouldn't have lost everything.

If was to see him today I’d be happy to. He was handsome with a nice laugh. He gave me the best loving I ever had, got me pregnant for the first time and if I ever found this kind of relationship with a man again I would chain that man to my bed and swallow the key! Tee hee!

I don’t know why I felt compelled to blog about Chris today except that I still think of him often as he will always be unforgettable but sort of regrettable, to me.

Keep On Bloggin’!