Thursday, March 22

Results Of My Eye Operation After Two Months & Three Days


I went to see Dr. Lam (my Ophthalmologist) on March 14th to find out how my eye surgery finally turned out. She did two operations on my right eye on January 19th. Even though I couldn’t tell I had a cataract the new lens in my eye surprisingly improved my eyesight and that was an awesome side effect.

Dr. Lam told me the second operation would really be difficult to pull off because a Macular hole is hard to close and there could be a lot of complications involved. She told me ahead of time that the gas bubble might not do the job, said to keep my head down, follow her instructions, use the eye drops as directed and keep my fingers crossed. I not only did that, but I prayed that my eye would respond to the treatment.

When Dr. Lam came into the examining room that day with the images of my inner eye she was really pleased. She showed me the images and it was amazing! The Macular Degeneration that caused the hole had disappeared! The before and after pictures were striking as the gas bubble had worked and the hole was gone. My doctor and I hugged as she congratulated me for following directions. Of course, I was lucky to have her as my doctor she was very good at her job and I thanked her.

I wasn’t sure if it worked or not before this last visit and was worried because I could still see the kink in a straight line when I used that eye but my doctor explained that it would take awhile for the damage that the hole had done to clear up and because we treated it so fast there wasn’t much damage at all. I can surely live with that and it saved my central, hell, it saved my vision in that eye!

I’m so happy to say I’m back and ready to write! My eye surgery worked and I’m thrilled! Besides that, I’ve missed my social networking, writing and reading your blogs!

Keep On Bloggin’!

Update. 

Unfortunately, although I did everything right this failed. I had to have it done again immediately. Again, I beat the small odds that it wouldn't happen again, yet I can't win the lottery or anything else for that matter.

My retina finally stayed down. I can see but the middle of my vision is damaged making it hard to read at times when I really notice it. My good eye is really bad now with floaters that are in the way of my vision. I don't write as much because of it. Lucky for me when I ride my bike outside and look around it's still beautiful.

In the next 4 short years, my life went to hell. My favorite aunt and mother died. My brother didn't tell me my mom was dying until it was too late for me to see her! Afterward, I got no closure. 

My roommate lost his permanent job, I lost my alimony and rent/bills kept going up. I gained a lot of weight and suffered the worst depression of my life. I lost my savings accounts which dwindled to nothing paying bills beyond my means. My health was on the verge of completely failing. I had nowhere to retire.

Don't Wait For Someone To Save Your Ass

You know, the only one who cared to save me was myself? I looked in the mirror one morning (opiate addicted, depressed, and fat) and "something clicked". I think it was self-preservation fighting its way through the fog because I was truly, finally, and thoroughly disgusted and embarrassed at what I saw looking back at me. 

It took one millisecond at a time because real change happens slowly and is full of pain when you are alone.

I did many things (I've already written about on Bike With Bekkie) to get to where I'm at today. Without daily exercise, something I could do that made me feel better, something that I enjoyed-I wouldn't have made it. Especially over the long haul because it's been over 3 years now. It wasn't easy, the changes I made were depressingly slow but once I gained momentum it's all good habits now.

Once you reprogram your thinking and acting it becomes your way of doing. So make it good. I was in a very dark place. 

I may not have much (a bicycle and a car are about it) but from my bike seat, things look a lot brighter now. The world is still turning, the sun is still shinning and me, I'm still in it to win it!


Today is good. Thanks for reading!

Friday, January 20

My Three Month Hiatus



It’s good to be writing again! I can’t even think of the last time my personal life made it hard for me to write. I’ve been blogging since I left AOL all those years ago. That’s a long time!

My website “Bekkie In Wonderland” actually started on Windows Live Spaces around 1990 something. I can’t think of the specific year now. It was a very rough looking site compared to what I have now at Blogger and when I remember those old posts I want to blanch with embarrassment over my writing skills. We all have to start somewhere though.

Windows Live was a good place to meet people and I met many of my online friends there. Friends I still have to this day (along with all my newer friends here at Blogger.) That was Windows Lives' heyday before they started dropping all kinds of services until they were down to Messenger, profiles and Spaces.

Then Windows Live informed us that they were dropping Spaces in 2009. They offered to transfer our sites over to Word Press and I agreed. I started a Word Press account and waited for my site (and work) to show up. It never did.

I licked my wounds and started blogging on Word Press. Hated it! I like to have my animated gifs and Word Press wasn’t having it. Also, I was using Windows Live Writer (I’m using it now) and although it worked with Word Press too, I just didn’t like the fit. (I've since given it up, MSN dropped Windows Live Writer in 2011 or so.)

It was the best thing that ever happened to me in my blogging career because in 2009 I wrote my first and last blog of the year on Blogger. My writing and my website have improved greatly since those fumbling early days and I have a website that I’m actually proud of now on Word Press. So where have I been lately?

In January of, 2012 I had a change of eyesight and found out I had developed an ocular hole in my right eye. Everything turned out fine but it was hard work and a frightening experience. I worked very hard to get that hole closed after surgery.

The end of November I noticed another change of eyesight. It was disheartening to say the least. I got pretty depressed and quit writing. I knew the hole had opened again and I’d have to go through it all again. No surgery is a piece of cake.

When I went to see Dr. Lam she told me that it had indeed opened and that I was one of 6% that had it happen again. She was surprised it had happened so fast. I had surgery again before Christmas.

I was so worried about my eyesight. I don’t need to really say it but eyesight is so precious. Losing it even in one eye is not an option I wanted to explore anytime soon.

After the gas bubble got smaller I began to be able to peek over it. I saw black and white spots all over the place. Even though it was one eye I could see them with both eyes. I decided it was better than being blind, and thought they must be permanent.

Last Monday I went to Union City to see Dr. Lam with a heavy heart. My eyesight seamed worse and the spots were everywhere I looked. I sat in silence during the ride soaked in my sullen thoughts.

Not only was the hole gone, but during surgery my doctor removed the tissue that was pulling and causing the hole to return. She also told me that the spots were only temporary caused by the gas bubble rubbing against the iris. (I didn’t have spots at all after the first surgery.) The nurse had tested my eyesight early in the visit and I was told my eyesight had actually improved.

I was dumbfounded. Then I experienced extreme happiness for the first time in what seemed like forever! I even let out a whoop while still at Kaiser. I’m keeping all my digits crossed that the hole doesn’t come back again. Did I tell you my eyesight is better? What an emotional merry go round I’ve been on in the last year.


The sight in my right eye isn’t perfect but I can see. If I’m looking at a line with that eye it will have a kink in it and words can swim around but if I’m patient I can read it. Also if a person is far away or the light is dim, one side of their face looks like a monster. (Yeah it’s hard to explain.) Actually my brain lets me see fine with both eyes. I feel like I won the eyesight lottery!

I will be posting regularly now and things are getting back to normal again. I really enjoy working on this website and I’m happy to be back. Thanks for all your support through this and I hope you will come and visit me soon.

Back, to Wonderland!

Keep On Bloggin’!